Alone.
It's how I've spent the majority of my years.
It's a terrible thing to be... except for when it isn't.
Being alone isn't really all that terrible.
In fact, we are required to be alone for nearly everything we ever do.
There may be people around us, even ones who claim and prove they love us, but at the end of the day, it is ourselves we are left to answer to.
I used to believe I loved being alone.
As much as I was repulsed by my loneliness, it was safe.
I knew how to navigate it. I knew that in my loneliness, no one would ever be able to see the terrible things about me. And no one could tell me how repulsive I knew myself to be.
I believed I deserved my loneliness, that I was destined to be alone.
No one could reach in.
And even if I wanted to, I could never permeate the glass that encased me, separating me from the outside.
Then, after a lot of fight, I learned what it meant to not be so alone.
I learned that loving someone, in every single way, was worth the journey, even if it meant getting hurt.
And you know, I've been hurt quite a bit by letting people in.
But I've also been surprised by the kindness that I see.
I've been wrapped in unimaginable love.
I've found solace can be found in people, not just places.
I began to delve into those who allowed me in.
But I think in all that learning to be together business, I forgot some of the importance of simply being alone.
I forgot to guard my heart from those who simply wanted to tolerate me or use me.
I forgot that it's okay, even necessary, to be alone sometimes.
Especially when you're running from it.
And being alone after being together doesn't mean you've lost your luster.
There is a stark contrast in loneliness and being alone.
And keeping someone toxic in your life to simply avoid the loneliness that sometimes accompanies being alone is a terrible idea.
So, as hard as it is, I'm breaking free of that.
Starting now.
Because living a life of "second bests" is and never will be okay.
I am worth more than that, and I hope that you see you are, too.
It's how I've spent the majority of my years.
It's a terrible thing to be... except for when it isn't.
Being alone isn't really all that terrible.
In fact, we are required to be alone for nearly everything we ever do.
There may be people around us, even ones who claim and prove they love us, but at the end of the day, it is ourselves we are left to answer to.
I used to believe I loved being alone.
As much as I was repulsed by my loneliness, it was safe.
I knew how to navigate it. I knew that in my loneliness, no one would ever be able to see the terrible things about me. And no one could tell me how repulsive I knew myself to be.
I believed I deserved my loneliness, that I was destined to be alone.
No one could reach in.
And even if I wanted to, I could never permeate the glass that encased me, separating me from the outside.
Then, after a lot of fight, I learned what it meant to not be so alone.
I learned that loving someone, in every single way, was worth the journey, even if it meant getting hurt.
And you know, I've been hurt quite a bit by letting people in.
But I've also been surprised by the kindness that I see.
I've been wrapped in unimaginable love.
I've found solace can be found in people, not just places.
I began to delve into those who allowed me in.
But I think in all that learning to be together business, I forgot some of the importance of simply being alone.
I forgot to guard my heart from those who simply wanted to tolerate me or use me.
I forgot that it's okay, even necessary, to be alone sometimes.
Especially when you're running from it.
And being alone after being together doesn't mean you've lost your luster.
There is a stark contrast in loneliness and being alone.
And keeping someone toxic in your life to simply avoid the loneliness that sometimes accompanies being alone is a terrible idea.
So, as hard as it is, I'm breaking free of that.
Starting now.
Because living a life of "second bests" is and never will be okay.
I am worth more than that, and I hope that you see you are, too.